12.05.2007

There's Something About Ruby

I don't know what it is but it seems like Ruby has been a stranger magnet lately. And I'm not talking about just any old stranger off the street. I'm talking about the "special" people. A few weeks ago, a female Wendy's employee, one of these said "special" people, came up to us and yakked our ears off about how all babies just burst into smiles when she smiles at them. Well, I guess we broke her streak because Ruby wouldn't even look at her but it didn't phase her, she just kept telling us story after story about kids beaming at her.

Then today, the white trash in me came out and we went grocery shopping at Wal-Mart and then had lunch at their McDonald's (I already said it was the white trash in me rearin' its ugly head!) and while we're sitting there minding our own business, clogging our arteries, one of their "special" clean-up employees comes up to us and launches into this crazy conversation.

She asks me if I did my Christmas shopping today. I say, "No. I've got my kids so I can't spoil the surprise, right?" So then she goes off, and she's almost worried about it, about how I need to leave the kids home TONIGHT with my husband, but maybe I can bring the baby along because she won't know, but for sure I can't bring my boy because it'll ruin his surprise, and I should come back to Wal-Mart TONIGHT to get all my shopping done, and I need to check with my husband to see if he can take my boy TONIGHT because I need to come back to Wal-Mart to do all my Christmas shopping TONIGHT.

So then she says, "So, you just grocery shopped today? Oh [looking into all the bags in my cart]! You got some new shoes?!?"

"No," I say, "they're not for me. They're for my little boy."

"Oh," she bursts, "but these aren't sneakers!"

"No," big sigh, but still trying to be super polite as I respond in between each artery-clogging bite, "they're not sneakers, they're dress shoes for him to wear to church with his Christmas outfit."

"Oh. His Christmas outfit."

"Right, his Christmas outfit."

Then she starts ooohing and aaahing over Ruby (who is still sitting in the seat of the cart, right next to me) and how cute she is and where did I get her headband and her bracelet, and look how her shoes match her outfit!, and does she like Christmas? etc. Of course Ruby is embarrassed and won't make eye contact so she's ducking her head down towards my purse and our "special" friend says, "Oh, you like your mama's purse? What's in there? Look, what's in there?"

And then she proceeds to OPEN MY PURSE and starts shuffling things around to try to grab Ruby's attention.

HOLY MOSES.

So Ruby starts going to town, pulling crap out. And as she does, our friend gets this concerned look on her face and says, "Oh here Mama. It looks like she wants this ... wait ... what is this?"

"Um ... that's lotion," I reply with an amazed look on my face as she starts handing me the stuff.

"Here, you better take this. She wants your lotion."

"Uh ... thanks."

"Oh here Mama. She wants this bag of stuff too ...... and uh-oh, here comes your wallet. You probably better hold on to that. And what's this? Oh, your checkbook. Yeah, here, take that."

And it goes on until our friend (because Ruby has lost interest in the contents of my purse) pulls out every random receipt, scrap of paper, penny, lip gloss, gum wrapper, and bouncy ball floating around in the dark crevices of my organizationally-deprived purse. And then finally, she hands me my purse and says, "Here Mama. Your baby took all the things out of your purse. You should probably put those things back in here."

"Thank you," was all I could say.

8 comments:

Lady said...

How I wish I could have been there for this one. I was there for the Wendy's one but the Walmart event seems above and beyond. Wow!
-Becca

Two Ladies and No Baby said...

Ohhhhhhh wow, Cel. Wendy's was really awkward, and remember how Becca and I started to get the giggles after she kept going on and on saying the exact same thing over and over again. I kept thinking, is she still talking to us? I can't imagine what my reaction would have been had I been there for the Wal-mart debacle. Seriously, only at Wal-mart and McDonalds I tell ya. But you are too polite, I going through your purse. Now that's where I draw the line.
-KKKate

Heidi said...

You are such a nicer person than I am. Really.

Maybe it's not Ruby that's the magnet. Maybe it's you . . .

Celia and Scott said...

I think you're onto something Heidi. We give my Mom crap all the time about how she attracts the strangest, neediest people and perhaps it's coming true for me too. Oh please, oh please bless it's not.

Adrienne said...

Seriously, i would have died. I hate to say it....but since she was "special", I think I would have busted out my "special" skills in telling her to beat it! Chatting away is one thing, but rummaging through your belongings is quite another! But how do you tell someone to get lost? But let that be a lesson to never eat at McDonald's inside Wal-Mart again. Instead, you need to eat at the Pizza Hut inside your Target, like we do! :)

Cody and Nikell said...

I guess that's what you get when your kids are that cute! There's a trade off.

Speaking of Wal-Mart, last week a man shopping came up to me and asked if my boys were twins! What? The only logical thing to say was "Yep, identical!" and be on my merry way. I mean come on, maybe at 79 and 80 the age difference would be subtle, but they're 5 months and 2 years. Hard age I guess!

Celia and Scott said...

Nikell, that is hilarious!!

Oh man, some people are so awesome. I suspect Wal-Mart has the highest "per capita" number of "special" people.

Wendy said...

That is unreal. I can't believe that it went that far! It's hard to think of a nice way to stop that steam roller from rolling but I would probably say something (directed to Ruby) like, "Ruby, you know we don't go trough Mommy's purse." And then close it and take it away. I don't know. Does that sound rude? Sometimes I'm too direct. My mother-in-law is a needy person magnet too. They have a lot of "administering angels" hovering around already.